Are you about to embark on the canon event that is; ‘young Australian moves to London (Clapham) for 1-2 years’? Maybe you’re doing an exchange, going to study in Madrid for 6 months? Maybe, like me, you have a job that enables you to bop around different countries and cities for months at a time.
If so, you may already be familiar with the tools I’ve had to learn after suffering too many bouts of lonely-foreigner-itis myself.
For those of you who are new to the foreigner game or those already beaten down by a lonely London winter, here is my toolkit for finding a place in a new city.
1. Take your Aunt up on that random connection she told you about
It might be your knee-jerk reaction to disassociate as your relative tells you about someone they know in NY (or Connecticut, but same same, I guess) at that farewell family dinner.
But I implore you to listen! Take note, follow up and get that contact number. At this point, let’s face it: You can’t afford to be picky, and from experience, that connection might lead you to something or someone great, even if they aren’t your person. People want to help you, so let them.
2. Be vulnerable, chat to strangers, put yourself (and your ego) on the line
Okay, so the London tubes aren’t the friendliest of places. I have fallen on my face trying to stand without holding on to anything (rookie move), and not a single person on the packed seats looked up from their paper, their book or their phone (despite there being no effing signal anyway… got games on ur phone my guy?).
You can embarrass yourself on accident, or you can embarrass yourself by starting a conversation with your barista, someone reading a book you like, wearing a cool outfit or waiting in line at your local cafe.
You have nothing to lose by putting yourself out there and sparking conversation with strangers, aside from your ego (and it’s better off lost anyway because guess what—so are you!).
And let me tell you, most people will be more than up for it. People are drawn to those who show vulnerability. You might even find and help out another lonely Aussie expat (especially likely if you’re on the Northern line).
Go even further: Ask them if they’d like to get a coffee sometime, share your predicament, ask for their socials, and, most importantly, follow up!
3. Join a group, sign yourself up
If the gym life is your jam, find yourself a social one. Join a class, use the above methods and start the conversation. Just joining a gym is not enough, sorry.
This might all sound daunting, but the more you push yourself and exercise these social muscles, the stronger they’ll become and the more payoff you’ll experience (note shameless gym metaphor).
If you are gym-adjacent, you’re in luck because we live in the internet age. So utilise it and do your research. Join one of the many ‘Aussies in London’/NYC/Paris etc.’ Facebook groups.
Join book clubs, art classes, a weekly pub crawl, Cluedo, or chess groups—I don’t know, but whatever your jam is, I do know that you will find a group for it in your new city unless it’s the Vatican City or something. In that case, I don’t know how to help you.
Whatever it may be, shop around and try it all.
4. Plan ahead, hold yourself accountable
Following on from the above, once you’ve found your fit, make it part of your weekly routine. An excellent way to protect yourself from lonely-foreigner-itis is to have pre-planned and/or weekly social events.
Be proactive and ensure you have some things booked in advance that will safeguard you from falling victim to a lonely Saturday evening of regret, self-pity, and sooky FaceTimes with Mum. I’ll put my hand up. I’ve been there, and it’s okay! But it’s not ideal, hence the toolkit.
5. Utilise the dating apps (platonic or otherwise)
Yep, reactivate your Hinge, update your profile and set up some dates. I’m not promising you won’t meet up to find yourself in conversation with a grade-A dud. I could almost guarantee that you will. But the theme of this listicle is the necessity of risk.
If you don’t take any, I can guarantee with certainty you’ll find yourself feeling lonely and sorry for yourself, in bed by 8 pm on a Friday with a belly full of a sad Sainsbury ready-meal.
At worst, you might come away from a dud date with a story that you can—in time—laugh at. At best, you might find the love of your life, whom you’ll marry, and the government will let you stay 4ever! Regardless, you’ve socialised, been out and about, and maybe you found a good bar in the process.
Other fruitful outcomes include a possible free meal/drink and the chance to meet more seasoned city folk you can learn from. You might even make a friend out of your date or meet friends through them.
Don’t forget that there are also dating apps for meeting and making friends! I haven’t used these myself, but I know people who have had great experiences using Bumble for friends.
6. Eventbrite and Meetup are your friends
I love these platforms and have made great use of them living abroad. Parties, events, poetry readings, paint and sips, pop-ups and openings, comedy nights, lectures and more. You could fill every day and night of your week in one scrolling session.
I’ve attended poetry workshops and free writing events, and this past weekend, I participated in a drag brunch in Brooklyn through Eventbrite.
Eventbrite and Meetup are great resources you can use to find low-cost and even free events and happenings in your city. This is great for expats on a tight budget, which is most of us.
7. Be open to new things, say yes
You can’t get lost because you already are! Embrace the freedom of the new environment and all that that will enable you to discover about yourself. I hate to be that person, but ‘do it for the plot’. My apologies, but it has some merit in the same way Yolo does.
If you’ve never been to a pottery workshop, being in a new country is the best place to try it out. This is a great position to be in, liberating even. Remember that it is temporary, so make the most of it!
8. Take yourself out and frequent places where you’re likely to find your creed
If you love heavy metal, go to a gig solo and get amongst it. You have an excuse to be solo—you’ve just moved, okay? Also, there is zero shame in a solo outing, so ignore your inner critic—it’s harsher and thinks about you way more than anyone else will.
Go to a cool bar that fits your vibe—a bookstore café if you love reading or a sports bar if that’s your thing. Set yourself up for success, and by that, I mean successfully finding the people you’re likely to connect with.
yours truly and ggracelessly,
grace ❤
ggraceless.com 
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